Thankfulness

Today I'm thankful.

I'm thankful that I really like my roommate and that I love my dorm. I'm thankful for some new acquaintances that could become good friends. I'm thankful for phone calls from dear friends back home-the ones who will listen to me cry and talk me through my struggles. I'm thankful that the bus system in Bozeman is free. I'm thankful for postcards and letters and drawings that come in the mail. I'm thankful for the third floor of the library, which is quickly becoming my favorite place to study. I'm thankful for Skype. I'm thankful for email. I'm thankful for the Study Guides on my Statistics website, because I'm pretty sure that's going to be the only way I pass the class. I'm thankful for the rain for clearing out some of the wildfire smoke. I'm thankful the dining hall food isn't that bad. I'm thankful that I survived the first week- and I'm thankful that Jesus is in all of it.

My very first week of my college career is behind me. It actually wasn't that bad, though I must admit that I'm already stressed a bit. My Statistics class looks a bit intense, as do some of the others, and I have to keep my grades up to maintain my scholarship. I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to do it... Though everyone back home laughs at me when I say that. But still, I worry, and I stress, and I freak out. I'd very much appreciate prayer about both the stress and some of the time management issues- I'm not sure yet how much I need to study, which then adds to the stress. Plus it makes it hard to ever relax. Even right now I'm thinking about how I should really be reading The Iliad instead of writing this. Such is the life of a perfectionist-college student.

Emotionally this is harder. Mornings stink. Once I've started doing something, start focusing on school or the task for the day (today it was riding the bus around Bozeman with my roommate), I get distracted and do okay. Right when I wake up, though, and right when I go to bed, all I can think about is how much I long to be back in Wenatchee.

My faith's definitely been stretched, too. When I step back, this part seems exciting, because I'm sure two or three years from now (or some other time period) it will be nice to see how I've grown. Right now it's hard. Right now I'm feeling less stable than I like. But I think even that can be good. And I'm very thankful for people at home that I can call to gain advice and perspective.

Tenth Avenue North came out with a new album right before I left for school. They're one of my favorite bands, so I bought the album and listened to it on the trip over (yup, that's right, for all ten hours. I liked it that much). The album, titled The Struggle, talks about how life is hard, but God still meets us through that. So I very much appreciated the chorus to their song "Don't Stop the Madness": "Don't stop the madness/Don't stop the chaos/Don't stop the pain surrounding me/Do whatever it takes to give me Your heart/And bring me down to my knees, Lord."

That's been my prayer lately. I want God to use this time in my life to do big things in my heart; I want Him to use me and mold me and shape me into a better form of the masterpiece that He thinks I am.

I know that I'm right where God wants me to be; the struggle comes from not knowing why. I'm starting to take joy in that, though-maybe not happiness, but joy.

I think I can finally say truthfully that I'm thankful I'm here.

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