Back in the (Uncomfortable?) Saddle Again
It's August 26th, my friends. The first day of school is officially over. The last of my Wenatchee friends left this morning. Four of my five classes have syllabus-ed me to death. We had our first large group planning meeting and our first giant, spanning-four-tables-it's-so-big group dinner. I'm typing this in the dark because my roommate just headed to bed, about two hours before I'll call it a night.
Reality has settled, and it's strange.
In many ways, the transition to school has been much easier this year, and in many ways it's been harder. It's been easier because I have an idea of what to expect... And it's harder for the exact same reason. I know Bozeman and MSU is a place where I am stretched and I can grow, a place where I can serve and worship, a place where I laugh and sing and dance. I know it's also a place, though, where I always feel a little too different. A little too Washingtonian. A little too "Covenant", for lack of a better word, though I guess liberal would almost work, also. A little too city girl, as funny as calling Wenatchee a city may be.
It's hard, too, to be so torn. There are so many opportunities, especially for ministry, that I'm excited to get involved in here. Then again, there are so, so many new changes and exciting opportunities back home that I desperately wish I was there for. I am where I am and I want to joyfully throw my heart in here, but I also really want to drag my feet approximately 568 miles west.
If this is getting a little confusing for you readers, that's probably a good thing. Trust me-- "confused" is the only real way to sum up how I'm feeling.
I'm starting to wonder where I fit. Wenatchee is definitely where I feel more at home, but it's different now. When I'm there, I sometimes feel like a puzzle piece that's gotten wet. I've changed. They've changed. You can put me back into the puzzle, but it takes more work. I don't just snap right in anymore. In Bozeman, though, I feel like a piece from another puzzle that got mixed into a separate box. Somehow my piece fits in with the rest, but if the picture is of an ocean, I am a different shade of blue.
Somedays I get really excited for the day my piece finds the right puzzle. Other days I wonder if that will ever happen. Maybe it's supposed to be an organic, hodge-podge, we'll just see what pieces fit where and stick them there until it seems natural sort of puzzle. I don't know.
At church on Sunday, one of the topics talked about concerned not letting yourself get too comfortable--about making sure you're letting God stretch you. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I don't feel nearly as comfortable here in Bozeman, and I know that I grow because of that. I know God stretches me and uses me back home, though, too. Once again, then, I'm confused. Does that mean that whenever I start to really feel safe and loved and like I belong, and, yes, comfortable somewhere that I have to pack up and move on to the next adventure, or does it mean that I just need to seek new ways to stretch me in that environment? How comfortable is too comfortable?
If you figure it out, can you let me know? Because believe me, I'm still struggling with an answer.
Reality has settled, and it's strange.
In many ways, the transition to school has been much easier this year, and in many ways it's been harder. It's been easier because I have an idea of what to expect... And it's harder for the exact same reason. I know Bozeman and MSU is a place where I am stretched and I can grow, a place where I can serve and worship, a place where I laugh and sing and dance. I know it's also a place, though, where I always feel a little too different. A little too Washingtonian. A little too "Covenant", for lack of a better word, though I guess liberal would almost work, also. A little too city girl, as funny as calling Wenatchee a city may be.
It's hard, too, to be so torn. There are so many opportunities, especially for ministry, that I'm excited to get involved in here. Then again, there are so, so many new changes and exciting opportunities back home that I desperately wish I was there for. I am where I am and I want to joyfully throw my heart in here, but I also really want to drag my feet approximately 568 miles west.
If this is getting a little confusing for you readers, that's probably a good thing. Trust me-- "confused" is the only real way to sum up how I'm feeling.
I'm starting to wonder where I fit. Wenatchee is definitely where I feel more at home, but it's different now. When I'm there, I sometimes feel like a puzzle piece that's gotten wet. I've changed. They've changed. You can put me back into the puzzle, but it takes more work. I don't just snap right in anymore. In Bozeman, though, I feel like a piece from another puzzle that got mixed into a separate box. Somehow my piece fits in with the rest, but if the picture is of an ocean, I am a different shade of blue.
Somedays I get really excited for the day my piece finds the right puzzle. Other days I wonder if that will ever happen. Maybe it's supposed to be an organic, hodge-podge, we'll just see what pieces fit where and stick them there until it seems natural sort of puzzle. I don't know.
At church on Sunday, one of the topics talked about concerned not letting yourself get too comfortable--about making sure you're letting God stretch you. I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I don't feel nearly as comfortable here in Bozeman, and I know that I grow because of that. I know God stretches me and uses me back home, though, too. Once again, then, I'm confused. Does that mean that whenever I start to really feel safe and loved and like I belong, and, yes, comfortable somewhere that I have to pack up and move on to the next adventure, or does it mean that I just need to seek new ways to stretch me in that environment? How comfortable is too comfortable?
If you figure it out, can you let me know? Because believe me, I'm still struggling with an answer.
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